13dp2dt = beta number 1

I always think these numbers make me sound like a microchip for some complex circuit board!

I can’t quite comprehend that I’m physically writing this post.

I thought this cycle may cancel in the early days.

I thought my poor response would make my results wobbly.

I thought my teeny tiny embies going back on day 2 wasn’t giving them the opportunity to grow strong and able.

I thought that I was lucky to have gotten as far as ER.

I genuinely thought that if this cycle bombed out at the beta that I’d be ok with that cos at least by getting to the beta it meant that our cycle had been successful to a degree.

What I did not expect was a BFP! But I got it and I’m stunned!

Beta 1 @15dpo was 332

Beta 2 is now scheduled for Thursday to check doubling. Fingers crossed hard!

So far so good! I’ll keep taking each day at a time … One foot in front if the other and trying to breath it out.

I’ve never been this far before and I could not be happier tonight as I go to bed 😍

Niiiiiight 😴😴😴


Uh oh …

… I have found an out of date pregnancy test! The fact it expired in 2011 is SO sad, I clearly didn’t have a need to use it ever!

BUT?! Do I use it now?! Do I?! Should I?! AURGH! The temptation is HUGE!

Of course I’ve googled and “they” say you can get a false negative but not a false positive 😣

I need a twelve step program to get me through these next three days I think!

Must stay on the wagon!
Must wait till beta!


i seem to have …

… developed a really icky habit of scrutinising my toilet paper after every pee!

Please tell me this is normal cos right now I feel like a massive weirdo!

I’ve got four sleeps till my beta! I predict I’m entering a new stage of crazy for this last few days! Sheesh! This is far from the easy peasy patient patient I tend to be.

I woke up this morning rubbing my tummy! Maybe I think I’m Buddha?

Whatever unfolds I’m kinda glad mr me is away at work so he can’t witness the psycho I’m becoming!

We were talking before he left and he actually complimented me on taking it all in my stride. Apparently he thought I would be an utter complete total hormonal ivfzilla but that I was great and not even slightly a pain in the arse! Woop! Permission to crank it up!

Here’s to sleep and waking up closer to finding out what’s going on inside my bits!



this time last week …

This time last week I was off my face and sleepy on the good drugs … I was nervous to find out what my embies would be like … I was anxious about the transfer procedure … I was scared to talk out loud incase I jinxed anything …

Today … I’m nervous because I don’t know what my embies have been up to since they went back … I am anxious to know what the end result will be … I am scared to talk out loud incase I jinx anything …

It made me think about how the same emotions get juggled up and applied to different scenarios …

I’m guessing it’s normal to feel a lot of different things at this stage but it’s not normal for me …I’ve had the ten day wait to get results back to see in my precancerous cells are still precancerous … I’ve had the ten month wait to see if I get to dodge a hysterectomy … I’ve had the ten year wait to see if I’d actually get a baby of my own … But I’ve not had this bit before …

It makes me feel like I’m turning into a nut! Wow I’m hot/ oooh that hurt/ I need to pee/ I can’t sleep/ my boobs hurt/ what’s that on the toilet paper?! I’m generally a real mechanistic thinker and one that knows that there are things you can and can’t change and you need to chill and go with the flow … Nope not this time! My google searches must read like a crazy crazy type!

So a week tomorrow I get a blood test and until then I wait … In my head and in my heart I think I’ll wait till my blood test to find out … But that’s now. Come next week I may well be buying one each of every brand of pee stick!

For now though … I’ll go back to being quiet … If you’re looking for me I’ll be manically googling something 😁


home sweet home

I’ve been keeping pretty quiet this last week. I’ve been trying to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve been trying to stay in my happy place. I’ve been trying to work my way through this crazy process while staying authentic and present.

I saw my REs sad face more times than I’d have liked 😞

I saw my hubby get down that I wasn’t responding terribly well in this IVF 1.1 cycle.

I feared that any day when I went for a monitoring appointment I was going to leave with yet another cancelled cycle.

BUT I’m glad to say that my amazing RE and his team didn’t give up on me! I stimmed for 10 days in total prior to my HCG trigger on Saturday night.

I was working with just four follicles of notable size, but given the diagnosis of DOR last cycle my clinic wondered if that’s just as good a result as I was going to get and were ok to push forward with my protocol and see how we pan out.

So on Labour Day Monday I went in for my Egg Retrieval with my heart in my mouth and beyond anxious about what we might find.

The process itself was fairly uncomfortable. I’ve got crazy floating ovaries which tend to wander about. This means it takes A LOT of abdominal pushing and pressure to get them into a place they can be viewed. OUCH! I was given a fairly funky cocktail of drugs and that meant I cared not a jot!

So – four follicles = four eggs !!! Woohoo! Relief! We were delighted and I got to see my REs happy face!

I slept for 20hrs that day and woke up on Tuesday feeling GREAT!

Day one – My embryologist called to say that of my four eggs they did two IVF (the smaller less mature eggs) and two ICSI (the bigger more mature eggs) and three fertilised !!! Three !!! I was delighted with that ☺️

My Dr had spoken to me on Monday and said that as we were working with low numbers he wanted to take no chances whatsoever and we’d schedule a day two transfer.

SO today … We went in bright and early for an update and our transfer.

We met our dr at the door of the surgical suite and he had the biggest smile! Told us we had two “beautiful embryos” to transfer!

I was SO chuffed I even forgot to be in pain from my full bladder!

We got into the transfer room got comfy and the embryologist came through to discuss our grades.

The clinic uses a 1-20 (20 totally exceptional!) scale … Mine were perfect 4 cell beautiful looking buns! The embryologist said they were 19s and the RE & RN told her to stop being mean and give them both a 20 cos they were perfect 😍

She LOL’d and said she would but she NEVER gives them out!

Both are now back home now and that’s hopefully where they’ll decide to stay.

My beta test is due on the 15th September. That’s AGES away!

So in the meantime I’ll go back to being quiet I think 😊

Note to my embryos:

Welcome home! You’ve been dreamed about for a long time. It’s beyond my comprehension that this might work. That this could work. That this time I may very well end up filling my empty arms!