this time last week …

This time last week I was off my face and sleepy on the good drugs … I was nervous to find out what my embies would be like … I was anxious about the transfer procedure … I was scared to talk out loud incase I jinxed anything …

Today … I’m nervous because I don’t know what my embies have been up to since they went back … I am anxious to know what the end result will be … I am scared to talk out loud incase I jinx anything …

It made me think about how the same emotions get juggled up and applied to different scenarios …

I’m guessing it’s normal to feel a lot of different things at this stage but it’s not normal for me …I’ve had the ten day wait to get results back to see in my precancerous cells are still precancerous … I’ve had the ten month wait to see if I get to dodge a hysterectomy … I’ve had the ten year wait to see if I’d actually get a baby of my own … But I’ve not had this bit before …

It makes me feel like I’m turning into a nut! Wow I’m hot/ oooh that hurt/ I need to pee/ I can’t sleep/ my boobs hurt/ what’s that on the toilet paper?! I’m generally a real mechanistic thinker and one that knows that there are things you can and can’t change and you need to chill and go with the flow … Nope not this time! My google searches must read like a crazy crazy type!

So a week tomorrow I get a blood test and until then I wait … In my head and in my heart I think I’ll wait till my blood test to find out … But that’s now. Come next week I may well be buying one each of every brand of pee stick!

For now though … I’ll go back to being quiet … If you’re looking for me I’ll be manically googling something 😁

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6 thoughts on “this time last week …

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