I always think these numbers make me sound like a microchip for some complex circuit board!
I can’t quite comprehend that I’m physically writing this post.
I thought this cycle may cancel in the early days.
I thought my poor response would make my results wobbly.
I thought my teeny tiny embies going back on day 2 wasn’t giving them the opportunity to grow strong and able.
I thought that I was lucky to have gotten as far as ER.
I genuinely thought that if this cycle bombed out at the beta that I’d be ok with that cos at least by getting to the beta it meant that our cycle had been successful to a degree.
What I did not expect was a BFP! But I got it and I’m stunned!
Beta 1 @15dpo was 332
Beta 2 is now scheduled for Thursday to check doubling. Fingers crossed hard!
So far so good! I’ll keep taking each day at a time … One foot in front if the other and trying to breath it out.
I’ve never been this far before and I could not be happier tonight as I go to bed 😍
… I have found an out of date pregnancy test! The fact it expired in 2011 is SO sad, I clearly didn’t have a need to use it ever!
BUT?! Do I use it now?! Do I?! Should I?! AURGH! The temptation is HUGE!
Of course I’ve googled and “they” say you can get a false negative but not a false positive 😣
I need a twelve step program to get me through these next three days I think!
Must stay on the wagon!
Must wait till beta!
… developed a really icky habit of scrutinising my toilet paper after every pee!
Please tell me this is normal cos right now I feel like a massive weirdo!
I’ve got four sleeps till my beta! I predict I’m entering a new stage of crazy for this last few days! Sheesh! This is far from the easy peasy patient patient I tend to be.
I woke up this morning rubbing my tummy! Maybe I think I’m Buddha?
Whatever unfolds I’m kinda glad mr me is away at work so he can’t witness the psycho I’m becoming!
We were talking before he left and he actually complimented me on taking it all in my stride. Apparently he thought I would be an utter complete total hormonal ivfzilla but that I was great and not even slightly a pain in the arse! Woop! Permission to crank it up!
Here’s to sleep and waking up closer to finding out what’s going on inside my bits!
This time last week I was off my face and sleepy on the good drugs … I was nervous to find out what my embies would be like … I was anxious about the transfer procedure … I was scared to talk out loud incase I jinxed anything …
Today … I’m nervous because I don’t know what my embies have been up to since they went back … I am anxious to know what the end result will be … I am scared to talk out loud incase I jinx anything …
It made me think about how the same emotions get juggled up and applied to different scenarios …
I’m guessing it’s normal to feel a lot of different things at this stage but it’s not normal for me …I’ve had the ten day wait to get results back to see in my precancerous cells are still precancerous … I’ve had the ten month wait to see if I get to dodge a hysterectomy … I’ve had the ten year wait to see if I’d actually get a baby of my own … But I’ve not had this bit before …
It makes me feel like I’m turning into a nut! Wow I’m hot/ oooh that hurt/ I need to pee/ I can’t sleep/ my boobs hurt/ what’s that on the toilet paper?! I’m generally a real mechanistic thinker and one that knows that there are things you can and can’t change and you need to chill and go with the flow … Nope not this time! My google searches must read like a crazy crazy type!
So a week tomorrow I get a blood test and until then I wait … In my head and in my heart I think I’ll wait till my blood test to find out … But that’s now. Come next week I may well be buying one each of every brand of pee stick!
For now though … I’ll go back to being quiet … If you’re looking for me I’ll be manically googling something 😁
I’ve been a wee bit lax with blogging … SOZ! My bad! BUT …
I started my stims for IVF 1.1 last night … Woohoo! My protocol this time is the Microdose Flare Protocot with a minimal amount of suppression and pretty hefty amounts of Puregon & Repronex and a teeny drop of dexamethasone chucked in daily too!
Let’s get this paaaaartaaaaay started!
I’m not sure how I’m feeling entirely yet … I had a bit of a restless night last night and I’m not sure if I can attribute it to the meds or to the fact there’s a bloke in bed with me again after 5 weeks of starfish! (Hubby works away for extended periods) but either way it’s game on!
I think I’m still as focused on the end result and I’m fairly chilled out. I’m not worried about being cancelled again, because if it happens then it happens, there’s nothing I can do about it. I actually think till I wrote that I’d not actually thought too much about how this cycle will pan out …maybe that’s weird?!
So anyways … Note to my ovaries – seeing as you dumped the cycle 1.0 memo in the spam folder apparently!
Respond in a timely manner … Be neat and tidy … Smart and goal driven … Brush your teeth and comb your hair! You’re going to have company so shoulders back chest out and pay attention this time!
OR ELSE !!!!!!